Over the last couple of years, I’ve grown, Obviously. Yes i’ve gown Physically, but i think ive grown more mentally. I can say that im happy with the girl that i have become in the last two years.
I’ve never been one to step outside my ‘comfort zone’ and experience new things or to meet new people. I used silently blame the way my parents bought me up, i never showed it though. I always knew that admitting that was hard enough but to say it out loud to my parents, it would kill them.
The relationship i have with my parents is, i guess unique, in this decade especially. I grew up in a loving family, one that affection wasn’t something to be ashamed of. I guess i’m lucky, some people would kill for that. Some may think its weird or funny, but i don’t. I don’t care who sees me kiss my mum goodbye, or kiss and hug my grandfather hello. That’s who i am.
My years in primary school, involved only having a couple of friends. I guess i was bossy, aren’t most kids?? when people remind me of how i used to be in primary school, i when ever its mentioned, i go silent, regret flows up through my veins and overcomes me. i have to politely ask for them to not talk about it, because the truth is, im ashamed of who i was and who i could potentially be.
Primary School involved being bullied by the boys, fighting with the girls, and only wanting certain people around. I was bullied and i was a bully. It isnt something that im happy about and if i could go back to my 1997 kindergarten-self, i would.
i would tell her to be nice to everyone, not just the people that you are confortable around. Be nice to that girl on the bus who always smiles for no reason, don’t make her cry. Be nice to that boy in the year above reading his brand new book week book outside, don’t kick him in the back. I would make her listen, i would drill it into her head!
i would tell the 10yr old girl who is me, not to do things because she feels that’s what her ‘Bestfriend’ wants to see. I would tell her, just because people bully her, doesn’t give her any right at all to bully others.
I would tell the 12yr old, secluding the ‘new’ friend from the last couple of lunch times of Primary, that it isn’t right. That she too has feelings and you wouldn’t want to be treated that way.
High school bought new friendships, new adventures and many new lessons.My friendship group changed many times over the six years that i spent there.
I learnt who mattered & who didn’t. I learnt that no matter how much you want someone to be your friend, or to like you, that sometimes you had to let it go; it was never meant to be.
I stupidly ignored people that shouldn’t have been ignored. Became friends with some who i shouldn’t have - they didn’t make me do anything rebellious, but the influenced me in ways that mattered the most.
Friendships grew tighter, friendships drifted apart. it always hurt me, when that happened, but now, now i know it was never meant to be, & it’s for the better. Im a better person for letting the drift.
The last two years of high school, would’ve been my best years at high school. Senior Years. Yr 11 & 12. The work load was shit, but the friendships, Adventures & moments they were what made it what it was.
The friends that matter are still with me, the ones that don’t aren’t. These days i don’t care that my friendship isn’t huge, that we weren’t the ‘popular’ ones, i don’t care that some may think of us as weird cause we have fun and that matters most.
looking back at the past twelve years, even though there are regrets, wishes, dreams and wonder, i can finally say that with closing that chapter of my life, I’m happy with who i left it as.
Me.
I’ve never been one to step outside my ‘comfort zone’ and experience new things or to meet new people. I used silently blame the way my parents bought me up, i never showed it though. I always knew that admitting that was hard enough but to say it out loud to my parents, it would kill them.
The relationship i have with my parents is, i guess unique, in this decade especially. I grew up in a loving family, one that affection wasn’t something to be ashamed of. I guess i’m lucky, some people would kill for that. Some may think its weird or funny, but i don’t. I don’t care who sees me kiss my mum goodbye, or kiss and hug my grandfather hello. That’s who i am.
My years in primary school, involved only having a couple of friends. I guess i was bossy, aren’t most kids?? when people remind me of how i used to be in primary school, i when ever its mentioned, i go silent, regret flows up through my veins and overcomes me. i have to politely ask for them to not talk about it, because the truth is, im ashamed of who i was and who i could potentially be.
Primary School involved being bullied by the boys, fighting with the girls, and only wanting certain people around. I was bullied and i was a bully. It isnt something that im happy about and if i could go back to my 1997 kindergarten-self, i would.
i would tell her to be nice to everyone, not just the people that you are confortable around. Be nice to that girl on the bus who always smiles for no reason, don’t make her cry. Be nice to that boy in the year above reading his brand new book week book outside, don’t kick him in the back. I would make her listen, i would drill it into her head!
i would tell the 10yr old girl who is me, not to do things because she feels that’s what her ‘Bestfriend’ wants to see. I would tell her, just because people bully her, doesn’t give her any right at all to bully others.
I would tell the 12yr old, secluding the ‘new’ friend from the last couple of lunch times of Primary, that it isn’t right. That she too has feelings and you wouldn’t want to be treated that way.
High school bought new friendships, new adventures and many new lessons.My friendship group changed many times over the six years that i spent there.
I learnt who mattered & who didn’t. I learnt that no matter how much you want someone to be your friend, or to like you, that sometimes you had to let it go; it was never meant to be.
I stupidly ignored people that shouldn’t have been ignored. Became friends with some who i shouldn’t have - they didn’t make me do anything rebellious, but the influenced me in ways that mattered the most.
Friendships grew tighter, friendships drifted apart. it always hurt me, when that happened, but now, now i know it was never meant to be, & it’s for the better. Im a better person for letting the drift.
The last two years of high school, would’ve been my best years at high school. Senior Years. Yr 11 & 12. The work load was shit, but the friendships, Adventures & moments they were what made it what it was.
The friends that matter are still with me, the ones that don’t aren’t. These days i don’t care that my friendship isn’t huge, that we weren’t the ‘popular’ ones, i don’t care that some may think of us as weird cause we have fun and that matters most.
looking back at the past twelve years, even though there are regrets, wishes, dreams and wonder, i can finally say that with closing that chapter of my life, I’m happy with who i left it as.
Me.
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